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1/12/2023 0 Comments

Grumpy heroes in romance

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Step right up, step right up, get your grumpy male heroes here! We’ve got your circus grumps, your broody gay grumps, your shifter grumps, and your hermit grumps. Each and every one of your favorite antisocial grumps is here!

Charlotte Stein has a whole harem of grump-humps to select from, ranging from the cold, sharp Halstrom in The Professor to the disapproving Artie in Restraint. However, my preferred Stein grump is Cyrian in Sweet Agony. Sweet Agony is the most unusual of courtships because the hero is so messed up (and grumpy) he can’t bear to be looked at, let alone touched. This sees the hero and heroine initially progress their relationship through correspondence (despite the fact they share a house where she’s the live-in housekeeper) which progresses from the hero’s criticism of her sweeping technique to playful letters about hair thievery. And, in a reverse of the usual order of intimacy, the first encounter between hero and heroine is a rather kinky (yet at the same time distant) encounter, and from there they gradually work up to more ‘normal’ but risky (for the hero) things like kissing. 

Call it ‘wool porn’, call it what you like, all I know is that the second I read the blurbs for Amy Lane’s knitting series, I was hooked. Ms Lane cleverly marries the worlds of yarn and M/M romance in a series which includes: A Knitter in his Natural Habitat, How to Raise an Honest Rabbit, Super Sock Man and The Winter Courtship Rituals of Fur-Bearing Critters. There was no way I could resist the allure of manly man-on-man action combined with knitting, and imagine my delight when I discovered the grump-o-sexual allure of alpha grump Rance in The Winter Courtship Rituals of Fur-Bearing Critters. Because who doesn’t love a broody, gay grump-hump who knits like a demon?

Rance Crawford is an alpaca rancher, fiber mill owner, and self-proclaimed grumpy bastard. When sweet tenderfoot Ben McCutcheon moves onto Crawford’s rural road, Rance is very aware that Ben makes it a grand total of two gay men in their tiny town, and even though he is instantly, painfully smitten, believes any move he makes could be simply chalked up to being hard up. Using his best weapon and favourite skill, Crawford launches an awkward, wordless effort to make sure Ben is kept warm during the cold Colorado winter—especially his heart.

There’s no ‘wham-bam-thank you-man’ sex between these men, instead Rance woos his object of desire by knitting woollen gifts made from yarn spun from his own alpacas. This book delivers a roundhouse punch right in the feels with its taciturn hero whose knitting action speaks louder than words.

Possibly my all-time favourite paranormal grump is the mighty bear-cat shifter and hockey player Bo Novikov from Beast Behaving Badly (book 5 in the pride series) by Shelly Laurenston. Adored and loathed by fans in equal amounts, Novikov is equally detested by both his opponents and his own teammates.

Bo Novikov had made a name for himself by being what Blayne could only describe as pure asshole on skates…From what Blayne had heard, he never had a friendly word for anyone, even the cubs and pups who worshipped at his feet. 

Note that ‘asshole’ here is code for ‘a grumpiliciously alpha grump’. In one of the more memorable twists on the love-at-first-sight experience, the heroine describes the hero to her friend thus:

Gwen held out a bag of popcorn. “I don’t know why you find him so scary.”
Now Blayne gawked at her best friend. “Gee, I don’t know. Maybe it’s because it looks like he wants to cut my throat and watch the life slowly drain from my body so he can fuck my corpse without all that screaming-and-putting-up-a-fight distraction!”

Blayne puts her finger right on the number one hazard of dating an alpha grump—how does one differentiate them from a serial killer?

Another beloved romance grump of mine is the hero in Susan Elizabeth Phillip’s Kiss an Angel. When we meet Alexander Markov, it’s as the intimidating husband thrust upon heiress and socialite Daisy Devreaux by her scheming dad. Daisy’s first impression of Alexander is that he’s a ‘very scary studmuffin’ and she soon decides that his scowl matches his stunning lack of humour. 

She dug her nails into her palms and told herself she had no choice. “I, Theodosia…” She gulped for air. “…take thee Alexander…” She gulped again. “…to be my awful wedded husband…”
It wasn’t until she heard her stepmother, Amelia, gasp that she realized what she’d said.
The studmuffin turned his head and looked down at her. He cocked one dark brow in a vaguely inquisitive fashion, as if he wasn’t certain he’d heard her correctly. My awful wedded husband. Her sense of humor kicked in, and she felt the corners of her mouth quiver.

His brows slammed together and those deep-set eyes regarded her without a speck of amusement. Obviously the studmuffin didn’t share her problem with inappropriate levity.


Alexander’s initial grumpitude only makes it all the more delicious when Daisy finally coaxes him out of his hard shell of grump—though I like to think his inner grump always remained intact.

Who are your favorite grumps in romance? Are they women or men? And does love make them get their grump on less often or are they loved for (rather than despite) their grump?
​

(Rhyll Biest is completely in touch with her own inner grump and lets it all hang out whenever she can.)

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6/27/2019 1 Comment

I am a slack, slack tart

 Yes, I've been a very slack tart when it comes to this blog. That's because I've been busy with penguins...fairy penguins!
I've been doing some volunteer work with a local organisation called Penguin Rehab and Release, which prepares injured penguins for release to the wild (they need to be able to swim for up to eight hours at a time before they can be released).
If you're interested, you can view their website and newsletter (full of cute fairy penguin pictures) at www.penguinrehab.org
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1 Comment

1/15/2018 1 Comment

Booktopia Favourite Australian Authors for 2018

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Each year Booktopia gets readers to vote for their favourite Australian author and this year I'm thrilled to have made it all the way to heat 4. If you'd like to vote (and go in the draw to win a $1000 book pack), visit their site here and make sure you enter your name and contact details in the form at the bottom. A big thank you to Booktopia for supporting Australian writers!

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3/18/2017 0 Comments

Deleted scene from Shelter

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So, as you all probably know, a book can change quite a bit between revisions. In an earlier version of Shelter I gave Kat a gay fiancé and the first scene in the book was their break up, where Kat loses her treasured beard status and is challenged to stop playing it safe and take a risk.
​We also see Kat at work in the airport with her quarantine beagle, Bill.
Some of my beta readers said they loved that scene and were sad to see it gone, so for those of you who are curious, here's the six-page deleted scene.
​What do you think? Should I have left it in?

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2/16/2017 0 Comments

Blog tour for Shelter

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The wonderful Love Reading Romance has organised a book tour for Shelter, check it out here.
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1/18/2017 5 Comments

Book reviews are just like unicorn shower caps

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A few weeks ago it was my birthday and one of my friends thought it would be hilarious to gift me with the unicorn shower cap pictured to the left. It's brilliant and I love it to bits, but it also prompted me to think about gifts for authors and I'd argue that the most valuable thing a reader can give an author (besides a unicorn shower cap) is a review.

Now, I know reading is not all about the author, and some folk just want to buy a book, read it, and move on with their lives. However, reviews are the only thing that keep some authors writing. Now, some might think I'm being a drama llama (there's a real four-legged theme to this post) but reviews do multiple things for authors: they can translate into income (when your book gets noticed by and purchased by more people), they can make the difference between a publishing contract being renewed (or not), and they can give authors enough warm fuzzies to keep writing books despite also working a full-time or part-time job (because most authors earn a lot less than people think they do).

So, think of it as feeding the author fairies whenever you write a review.

That's right, reviews are author fairy food.

And a review doesn’t need to be an epic, thousand-word essay, it can be as simple as two sentences. Or even one long sentence: I enjoyed this book and I hope that the author writes many more like it. Or, I detested this book and hope the author is humped to death by horny dolphins on their next beach trip.

So what should you do with your review once you've written it? The place that will make the most difference is Amazon (in fact, those crazy Amazon algorithms go beserk when an author receives several new reviews, and is the sort of thing that can catapult mid-level and emerging authors into stardom). If you have an Amazon account, it’s easy to leave a review (in fact, Amazon will often email you asking for one).

But if you don’t have an Amazon account, there's still Goodreads, or even just tweeting your review on Twitter, or posting it on Facebook.

After they’ve finished squealing, the author will usually re-tweet or post—as will their friends (if they still have any by the time they've finished writing their last book).

Your review doesn’t even need to be 100% positive. Most authors won’t shoot you down in flamey-pants rage if you say something like ‘I didn’t like this character but the pacing was good and I loved the unicorn with five nipples’.

In fact, if you’re absolutely stuck, here’s a list of phrases you can use to construct a review:

  • I really liked the characters (who reminded me of unicorns)
  • It was a real page-turner (because I had to know whether the unicorn nipple poacher was going to get caught)
  • I liked the plot, which had several unexpected twists (one unicorn was a ghost)
  • I love books set in (the unicorn kingdom of nipples)
  • I love books about (unicorns with five nipples)
  • The story about unicorn nipple poachers was compelling
  • It was a very emotional read, especially when the orphaned unicorn was rescued from the nipple poachers
  • I’d definitely read another unicorn nipple poaching book by this author
  • I can’t wait to read the next book in the stolen-unicorn-nipples series
  • The characters were complex, both the orphaned unicorns and the nipple poachers
  • The scene where one unicorn received a prosthetic nipple was hilarious
  • The story was unique, I’ve never read another stolen-unicorn-nipple book like it.

Apologies for the unicorn theme, I think the shower cap has done something to my brain. I have no idea how the nipples got in there. Now get out there and feed the author fairies.

5 Comments

1/15/2017 0 Comments

Animal Protection Story #2

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So, as I established in Animal Protection Story #1, the sexiest people on earth are not celebrities or models but people who rescue animals. Here's a couple of hot rescuers right here. What a couple of saucy teases, because who can resist men rescuing a dog from a frozen pond?

Even hotter than these guys, however, are the people in this YouTube video rescuing assorted animals--it made me so happy to see the animals saved, and that people cared enough to do something, that I almost blubbed. But I settled for a big soppy smile instead.

​My latest novel Shelter (out 15 February) has an animal rescue scene in it which I hope readers enjoy. I'd love to hear what you think!


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11/25/2016 0 Comments

Animal Protection Story #1

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Let's face it, there's a lot of really craptastic news out there. You know what I mean so I'm not even going to try to summarise it. But the one thing that always reaffirms my faith in people is when they do the right thing to protect animals. So whenever I come across a story like that, I'm going to share it here, and then I'll have a curated collection of stories on hand to combat the forces of darkness, whatever they may be on a particular day.  This story is about two dogs (one of them injured) abandoned near a busy road and the deputy who waited with them until animal services arrived. The picture says everything about the smoking hot decency of that dude with the dog. See more at the site here.

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9/8/2016 0 Comments

Booty & the Beast

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It's coming! A Facebook party to celebrate the release of Hell on Wheels, and the glory of roller derby in general. The whole Naughty Ninja team will be there with their skates on, along with Elsa Holland and with all the questions and give-aways it'll be more fun than a cooter stomp or a titty take-out (and we promise to heal your rink rash afterwards).
Get along to the event page on Sunday, 2nd October at the link here. 

The event will run from 4pm to 7pm Canberra time, and ninja and guest authors will be dropping in to give away books as prizes. You'll catch romance authors Elsa Holland, Lily Malone, Sandra Antonelli, Georgina Penney, Cate Ellink, Andra Ashe, Nicolette Hugo and Sarah Belle. 

There'll be several copies of Hell on Wheels (ebook only) to be won.
So, brush up on your roller derby knowledge, bring your game, and we'll see you there, fresh meat!


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9/8/2016 0 Comments

My ABC glory!

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That's right, I've proved all my school teachers wrong by achieving fame and glory. Surely being interviewed by ABC radio counts as fame and glory, right? Oh, well, stuff it, all I know is that the lovely Alex Sloan asked me all the hard (tee-hee) romance writing questions on ABC Radio and that I loved it, media whore that I am. You can listen to the podcast here, as I bang on about various things, including romance writing, and my forthcoming release, Hell on Wheels.

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7/31/2016 0 Comments

Hell on Wheels, it's coming!

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My upcoming release with Escape Publishing will hit the streets on 5 October 2016.  Find out more about it and read a sneak excerpt over here.
If you'd like to score an advance review copy please email me at rhyll @ biestbooks.com


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2/17/2016 0 Comments

Love Between the Covers Screening

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The Canberra screening of the documentary Love Between the Covers (a feature-length documentary film about the little-known, surprisingly powerful community of women who read and write romance novels) was a big success, perhaps partly due to a mention in the Canberra City News magazine, a mention during the interview with Elyse Huntington and Elizabeth Squire I did on 2xxfm 98.3, and the interview with Alex Sloan on ABC Canberra radio. To listen, hop on over to my media page.  
Around 50 people turned up at the Tuggeranong Arts Centre for the screening and Q&A session with myself, Bec Fleming, Stella Frances, Elyse Huntington and Justine Lewis, and there were some very interesting (!) questions posed to us. 
A big thank you to everyone who came along.
To find out more about Laurie Kahn's acclaimed documentary visit the website here.
You can read about the intricacies of organising the event in the February RWA Heart's Talk newsletter (below).

lbtc_hearts_talk.pdf
File Size: 154 kb
File Type: pdf
Download File

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2/10/2016 0 Comments

Where my bloggin' be at?

A little secret: I don't spend a lot of time on my own blog because I'm too busy writing shizz for other folks. So, lest I appear lazy, here's a bunch of my recent posts, on everything from cancer in romance to elf sex:
  • In sickness and in health: cancer in romance novels
  • Is Feminist Romance an Oxymoron?
  • The Aussie Girl’s Guide to the Perfect Royal Date
  • WWJD: 7 Reasons to Love Jessica Jones
  • So you want to be a fang banger: a guide to vamping it up
  • Not in Your Job Description: When Couples Find Love at Work
  • Curvy gals in romance, why they’re fat and fabulous
  • Checking for Squirrels and Other Masturbation Euphemisms
  • Your guide to elf sex
  • Crimson Peak: Come for the Hiddleston...Stay for the Hiddleston
  • Modern Art Gets Sexy – Five Saucy Works of Art
  • Beyond a Grovel: 8 Heroines Who Make Their Heroes Work For It!
  • Rewriting the plot of Crimson Peak for Hiddleston fans
  • Heroines in Hard Hats: Resource Romance from Hill and Penney
  • Which moustache is your favourite romance hero?
  • The 10 Romance Heroes You’ll Want Between Your Covers
  • Pregtastic: Why unplanned pregnancy is the perfect plot device
  • Prisoners of Love: Captured in Romances from Stein, Warren, and More!
  • The Bangover: why love and booze go together
  • Last Night a DJ Saved My Life: Heroes and Heroines Who Are DJs from Ashley, Crusie, and More!
  • Five ways romantic suspense heroines are tougher than you
  • Inconveniently Yours: Marriage of Conveniences in Contemporary Romance
  • How kinky is your favourite romance trope?
  • Which Fabio cover are you?
  • The Porn Whisperer: Seven things every porn star dreads
  • Baby, you can ride my broom: why witches get heroes warm for their form
  • Sexy Times in Space – why we love sci-fi romance!
  • Frisk me, officer: cop heroes and heroines in erotic romance
  • Confessions of an RWA Conference Virgin
  • 10 manscaping misconceptions I gained from romance novels
  • Professions with romance novel potential
  • ​Inconveniently Yours: Marriage of Conveniences in Contemporary Romance





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12/7/2015 2 Comments

I'm getting down and dusty (oh, my!)

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I had hella fun writing one of the eight continuity stories for Escape Publishing's Down & Dusty Secret Confessions series, and that feisty little puppy will hit the streets on 7 February 2016. You can pre-order it here, if you so desire: 

​By the way, my veterinary work colleagues will know exactly where I got the hero and heroine's names from, bwa-ha-ha-ha.

Without further ado, here are the series details, and the blurb for Skye.


They say that no one has secrets in a small town – these women prove them wrong.

Eight brand-new stories from some of Australia's hottest writers in Australia's hottest genre. From the bar stools of the local pub to the wide open plains of the biggest stations in the world, these tales travel the dusty roads to the heart of Australia and the women who understand how to work hard – and play even harder. In the latest in the wildly successful Secret Confessions series from Escape Publishing, the women of Down & Dusty invite you into their lives – and their bedrooms.


After five years in the city earning her veterinary degree, Skye Malone is happy to be heading back to Milpinyani Springs, and her best friend Bret. Sure, her crush on him is still at epic proportions, but she managed to ignore it this long, and a good friend is a valuable commodity in a small community like theirs. But Bret spent the last five years growing up, and suddenly Skye’s girlhood infatuation evolves into something much stronger and much more dangerous – an adult woman’s desire.

2 Comments

9/2/2015 0 Comments

Elyse Huntington has written about more hot dukes than you've had hot dinners

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It's true, Elyse does not fuck around when it comes to hot dukes. She has a shed out the back of her house where she uses nanotechnology and in-vitro something-or-other to spawn and clone them. Why, her back yard is just one giant puppy farm for dukes, take my word for it. So you better believe her two books about dukes with enormous...estates...are completely anatomically accurate as well as well-written. Yup, and you can get a sneak peak of The Duke's Gamble here.

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8/1/2015 0 Comments

Free nipples!

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Stein's chesticles will be hitting the road in August as I carry them to the Romance Writers of Australia conference in Melbourne. I'll be signing copies of Unrestrained and there will be give-aways to be had. That's right, a free nipple if you come and chat to me :)
Tickets for the book signing will only be available online until 18 August, after that it's full price at the door. Hope to see you there and here's a link to find out more: https://australianromancereaders.wordpress.com/2015/07/15/book-signing-event-tickets-on-sale/


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7/1/2015 0 Comments

Chesticle explosion at dymocks book signing

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6/15/2015 0 Comments

DIARY OF A BOOK SIGNING

11.45: I've laid out minties on the table but the shoppers are wary. I can see them looking at me thinking ‘Who is that woman surrounded by chesticles?’
11.46: Oooh-oh, a guy just stopped to look but then moved away with frowny face. Come back, sir, I'll give you all the chesticles!

11.50: I feel like those photographers who wait in a lair to take photographs of pandas having sex. Instead I’m waiting to pounce on anyone who touches my book.
11.55: On the Top Ten books display shelf is a book on smoothies. Just how hard is it to make a smoothie?
12.00: I succumb to my own Minties and hope that no one will come up for a conversation. Otherwise I’ll have to spit out the Mintie at their feet to say, 'well, this book is about two guarded recluses who fall in love'
12.15: A-ha, a child lured to my signing table by the Minties. I said he could have one and tried to slip my book in his mum's handbag.
12.30: A guy just took one of my Minties without even looking at my book. Dude! Feign interest!
12. 40: Some guy has been staring at my book on the shelf for a loooong time. Is he reading the dirteh parts?
12. 45: Elderly man approaching my desk rears back when I made eye contact and goes to inspect my book on the stand at a safe distance from me. Perhaps he’s worried I’ll think that he shouldn’t be lured by the man titty cover, but I’m the last person to judge.
12.50: A lovely Irish lady just stopped to say congratulations. I almost gave her a book for free just because she was nice.

1pm: Old guy just picked up my novel and said 'how did you get my picture?' Oh, I've heard that joke so many times now! I was tempted to whisper 'go on, buy it for the filth'. But when he said he only reads military and crime, well...
1.05: A sideways look from a young adult male at my banner. That's okay, mate, Stein can't help it if his chesticles are better than yours.
1.10: A lady on her own was lured by Stein's chesticles but wandered away to Subway. Must be hungry for something other than man meat. Though maybe Subway serves man meat. Who knows?
1.15: My wood chair is getting a little uncomfortable. I think arse bunions may be forming. Can I claim that as a tax deduction? Arse bunion removal for arse bunions incurred at book signing.
1.20: I am considering a stunt double for my next signing. Someone with chesticles like Stein's. And he'll have to sign shirtless. Actually, I wonder what it would cost to hire a male stripper for two hours to sign books for me. It's prolly been done before. Another interesting potential tax deduction.
1.25: Uh-oh, a crying child. Should I offer them a free copy of my dirty book? That'd stop me from crying. But mum might bitch-slap me with a hardcover. Though if I have to die, I want it to be by hardcover.
1.30: A woman just looked longingly at my nipples. Those on my book cover, I mean.
1.35: Oooooh, someone just picked my book up off the display. A young, red-haired lass. But her boyfriend dragged her away. Boo, hiss. And he dragged her to the bargain table. Tight-wad!
1.40: Just realized no one has paused to lick my giant chesticle banner yet. Canberrans are so restrained.
1.45: If The Girl on the Train is selling as urban noir, maybe I need my own genre for marketing purposes. How about man-titty fiction? Journalists need to write about it and then I could explain the concept on Sunrise. Or I could write a how-to book on the genre of man-titty fiction. Then I could call myself a 'man-titty fiction expert'. Man-titty expert Rhyll Biest says that every time a reader fails to buy a man-titty book, a man-nipple dies. As an expert, I could offer a free nipple reading with each book sold.
1.50: Oi, people pretending to look at the discount literary classics, come and buy a dirty book instead! There's no free Minties with the classics, only with my smutty novel!
1.55: Okay, only ten more minutes to go. My buttocks are screaming but I can go ten more minutes for Stein!
2.05: And I’m outta here!
In summary, did I sell a shit-ton of books? No, and I knew that I wouldn’t (though I was pretty excited to sell 10 in two hours!) As a debut author, I kept a lid on my expectations as I knew from my research about book signings that few books are sold at most book signings.
I did, however, get to know the staff at my local bookstore, some of who had some very good tips for me as an author, and others who shared their secret love of another German (like my book’s hero) called Thorsten Kaye.
I also got to find out how awesome my friends and colleagues are, the ones who gave up their time and their cash—and possibly braved the judgmental looks of others to be seen buying (gasp!) a romance novel.
I’d also like to say a big thanks to all the staff at Dymocks Canberra, and to Meredith, in particular, for all her help.


0 Comments

5/26/2015 0 Comments

dymocks book signing

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3/25/2015 4 Comments

Review of Gay Dinosaur Billionaire Adventures with Bigfoot and Friends!

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Are you ready to “test the prehistoric waters”?

If so, be warned: Like many of the characters in story, you may be left feeling confused and slightly ashamed for enjoying the human-on-dino action and wanting more.

But it won’t be because of any thrillingly sticky dinosaur jizz showers (unless that’s your thing). Rather, it’ll be because every story in this anthology is hilarious, and intentionally so (though some of the stories are disturbingly hot despite their tongue-in-dino-cheek nature).

Romance readers will enjoy the playful swipes at certain tropes and a well-known novel that shall not be named, and those familiar with the dino-porn epub fad (perhaps unwillingly so) will get a laugh from the over-the-top language: “his scaly torpedo”,  “jacking into that scaly matrix”, “my spiral-penised protector”.

The anthology stories are, in order of appearance:

T-Rex Wants Bigfoot’s Gay Billionaire Boyfriend

Jezebel Lixxx’s story about Darren Bilderberg, the billionaire founder of TwitBookSpaceMyFace, and his betrayal by his Bigfoot lover (who offers him up to Rex Slaughter, a billionaire T.Rex playboy, as payment for debts) incorporates snapshots of Darren’s posts to TwitBookSpaceMyFace, offering such gems as:

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Darren’s compulsive texting leads to a break up with Bigfoot, described in this heart-wrenching scene.
Bigfoot sighed. “You think you’re too important to be taken by a T-rex. You act like a spoiled brat who needs a spanking.”
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“Stop texting!” Bigfoot yelled. “Forget spanking — I should toss you to the T-rex! My mama says I should break up with you and find someone who loves me for me, not my sexy fur and famous name. You know what? Mamafoot is right.”

Luckily Darren has all the emotional depth of a plastic credit card, and two seconds after breaking up with Bigfoot he's ready for dino peen action with Rex. Needless to say, being the “gay billionaire vessel of the Rex Slaughter’s rapturous cock” puts him in touch with his inner goddess. He’s torn (not literally), however, when Bigfoot returns for him.

Captive In The Raptor’s Dungeon 

What’s a girl to do when a “suave, well-dressed velociraptor” asks her out? If you’re 19-year-old barista, Allison, you borrow a co-worker’s dildo—one made from a mold of the peen of “pterodactyl porn star, James Deenosaur”—and try to “loosen yourself up” so to speak. Though it does turn out that velociraptors have a decided preference for blazing the Hershey Highway over popping virgin cherry.

Anyway, we know everything is going to work out beautifully between these two lovers the second we learn Allison is the sort of girl who flicks the bean while thinking about the T.Rex in Jurassic Park. This virgin’s way more kinky than Anastasia Steele.

Raptor Gang Bang 

Foofla La Pluge’s story was the most confronting in this collection for me because the tale of a macho man driven to crave violation by a pack of horny raptors is so well written that I fear it’ll legitimize the genre and spawn a series of imitation novels, movies, tele-movies and academic papers (none of which will be half as good as her story). Foofla will then become known as the 'raptor smut-loving destroyer of youth' and become the scapegoat of political leaders and media moguls who will blame her for everything from global warming to teen pregnancy.

The Billionaire Playboy Superhero Raptor’s Unexpected Lover 

There’s a hint of Marvel Comics to Arabella Snark’s story about a reporter character chasing a superhero raptor who he suspects was once a billionaire playboy. I’ll confess, I’m impressed by the way Ms Snark subverts the genre by having the human reporter bang the raptor. Literary innovation at it’s finest. And I loved that there’s a hint of happy ever after for the dino-human couple.

Oviraptor, My Love 

In this story by Crystal Lattis, the heroine is a young but experienced assistant working for Egmont Snatcher, son of former British Prime Minister Muffy Snatcher, and head of Yolo Industries. Chrissy is unsure whether it’s her DDDD cup size or ability to speak Oviraptorian that promps Egmont to invite her to travel to Miami with him. Their love is consummated on Egmont’s jet, and before they even touch down he’s already ogled her bare breasts which her last Oviraptor lover adored because they “reminded him of eggs, which oviraptors loved to eat. In fact, eggs—the larger the better—were the staple of their diets.” Some of the most hilarious lines from the anthology are in this story:

"I’d never felt more beautiful than I did in that moment, somewhere in the sky along the Eastern seaboard with a sexy billionaire oviraptor."

"The last image I had before I fell asleep was of Egmont, roosting on the footboard, his head tucked under one feathered forelimb. My spiral-penised protector. My billionaire hero with eyes and a heart made of gold.

Oviraptor, my love."


There’s no question I enjoyed this cabaret of high-comedy dino-smut. But please don’t anyone tell my mum I said that—she’d be disappointed in me because she prefers tentacle porn.

Fans of Shoshanna Evers, Delphine Dryden, Charlotte Stein and Audra North will treasure this dino-porn gem. 
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